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Understanding Anxiety
Anxiety is many things. It affects many people, often in different ways and to various degrees. It is the birthplace of a multitude of symptoms from mental and emotional to physical and hormonal and is triggered by a range of circumstances, which are different for everyone because they are so intricately linked to your beliefs and values. Anxiety is and can be increasingly debilitating if it ongoing and is not addressed and more importantly understood.
What anxiety is not is a noun;” it” is not actually a “thing” that you catch; it is not something happening to you and it is not necessarily a negative, it is uncomfortable, but that doesn’t necessarily make it “bad."
Anxiety is a verb. It is a doing – it is a doing. And what this means is that you can learn to “do” anxiety in a different way.
Anxiety is a response to stress or perceived danger (or not OK’ness depending on YOUR story about how things should be) and most people will experience some level of it in their life. If you are facing an event that you have no control over such as the birth of a child, your child’s first day at school or are dealing with financial uncertainty, a sick friend or relative it is natural to feel anxious about what might eventuate.
Anxiety in the simplest sense is driven by a feeling or belief that things (life, events, the weather, you, your body, finances etc. ) are not ok. It creates a reaction that says to the individual “you are not safe right now, you need to do something.” And this is the key – it is about “doing,” driven by a need for control as a path to certainty, which for most people equates to safety.
The challenge is that in the short-term anxiety is actually helpful for human survival and growth – it is a motivator and a necessary biochemical response to ensure we survive and continue as a species. Everyone knows the ancestral tale about meeting a lion face to face – anxiety is the feeling and thoughts that motivate you to run! However, in today’s society, we are now faced with unparalleled “perceived” threats, compounded by lifestyles that focus on certainty and attaining a false sense of security instead of acceptance of change and the fluidity of the human experience. These beliefs keep us stuck and this is causing men, women, and children to live in a constant state of “I am not ok.”
For some people, this state of I am not ok has supported success in home and work. It motivates them to cross the t’s and dot the I’s. It makes sure the details are reviewed and all potential threats perceived and accounted for. And while this may seem like a perfectly sound path, the truth is that the person who succeeds as a result of this fear-driven need for perfection, with no allowance for human error or critique, will eventually struggle with feelings of worthlessness, or lack of meaning and purpose, when they cannot sustain perfection and therefore the success, they actually achieve is hollow and unfulfilling.
The key to making anxiety usefully is to understand and choose.
Understand what the contributing factors in yourself and your life that are compounding the experience of anxiety. Examine your values vs. your reality, your expectations, childhood belief systems, unhealed trauma, pathology, hormones, gut health, diet, sleep and exercise. Consider the people in your life and the environments that you are in.
Understand that life is messy. No matter how much we would like to control what happens in the grand scheme of things we cannot. There will be pain, there will be challenges and there will be death and suffering and that is ok. We need to be able to detach and realise that things are not good or bad – they just are.
Choose to own it. When we take responsibility for our mental health and can own that anxiety is something that we are doing we can take the steps to minimise its impact on our life.
Anxiety sufferers, for the most part are “do-ers.” When they feel that sensation come on they seek a solution to change the situation. Depending on the driving beliefs that underlie the anxiety the doing behaviour will vary. For some it might be an avoidance of situations for others it will manifest as a controlling attitude and pro-activeness.
This is where anxiety is subjective. It is different for every person and so to is the solution.
Anxiety, when not done in the right way, can cause havoc. The manifestation of symptoms includes racing heart, sweaty hands, dry mouth, nausea and panic attacks to insomnia, constant overwhelm, stress, loss of libido, digestive issues and emotional instability. Anxiety is a desire for control and a need to prevent things from happening. It keeps the individual in the future, taking them from the now and the ability to truly connect with and enjoy life.
When a person can own the way, they do anxiety just like they own the way they brush their teeth, cook eggs or make love, they create the opportunity to learn a new way. Understanding that anxiety is a verb, puts you in the driving seat and gives you back the keys so you can enjoy actually enjoy the journey that is your life.
Transforming Trauma
So many in the world have experienced trauma, they just don’t realise it.
For many people, the word trauma translates to tragedy. They perceive the experience of trauma to be associated with dramatic, often adverse events and circumstances such as death, violence, and war. However, in this perception what is lost is an understanding (a true understanding) of trauma that relates to everybody, and may just be the key to healing addictions, correct disordered behaviour, reduce anger, minimise anxiety and provide greater personal freedom for humans. Yes, humans… all of them.
As explained by Gabor Mate in the article Why are so many adults haunted by trauma, Mate separates trauma from dramatic events. He explains that trauma at its core is related to whether human needs are met or not. He highlights that if human needs are not met by both the family and society, people – a lot of them – will be affected in adverse ways.
Mate believes that most of the population will have experienced adversity in some way and that the essence of trauma is simply disconnection from ourselves. He says “Trauma is not terrible things that happen from the other side—those are traumatic. But the trauma is that very separation from the body and emotions. So, the real question is, “How did we get separated and how do we reconnect?”
The outcome of trauma can present in many ways from addiction both in the negative such as drugs and alcohol, sugar or sex and the perceived positive such as exercise or work. It can present in people as unhealthy relationship patterns, consistent anger, aggression or people-pleasing. It may be physical showing up as obesity and weight issues, illness or injury. Eating disorders, perfectionism, over-achieving, low self-esteem, hormonal issues… the outcomes are endless; however, the cause is consistent.
For many people, the root of trauma may be what is perceived as one rather insignificant event or cumulative events from their early childhood. It may be minimalised because its common these days e.g. divorce or school bullying, however from the ages of birth to six years old if the primary needs of a child – physically, emotionally, psychologically and environmentally – are not met, or are perceived in the young mind of that child to not be met, they are in that moment experiencing a trauma and or anchoring or “storing” a distorted belief about themselves, others, the world/ life that will negatively impact them moving forward.
It may present as a fear or at least an uncomfortable response from the body and thus the child will look to disconnect from that sensation. What often follows is behavioural patterns and actions designed to ensure that they never have to experience that feeling again.
Teenage years are another key period of life that may create “trauma experiences” that mould a person’s personal belief system and values thus fuelling certain ongoing behavioural patterns and actions. From bullying to pressure to perform, there is a plethora of circumstances that if perceived in a negative and fear-inducing manner will create a trauma response in the body. The more events that are experienced the stronger the response and the more likely that the individual will seek solace in external stimuli.
Recognising your personal trauma and identifying events either singular or culminative that have influenced the conclusion that you have come to about yourself is the first step in healing.
There are numerous paths to unlocking hidden trauma that drives disordered behaviour. From acupuncture to equine and somatic therapies, talking therapy, nutritional therapy and physical detox and rehabilitation.
The first step however is to identify and own the fact that you have experienced trauma, do not minimise it and then begin the work, move into solution mode and give yourself permission to heal. The key to successfully working through repressed trauma is to separate yourself from any diagnosis and simply work through any symptoms you experience with a “that’s interesting” mindset.
Recognise your symptoms – see your disordered behaviour as a road sign to a new destination and leave it there. Do not become the symptom, do not identify with it – it is not who you are, it just is and when you can separate yourself from the story of your symptoms you are empowered to move forward.
The journey to recognising and healing repressed trauma is different for everybody. How your trauma presents in your life and your openness to work through it will dictate the right path for you to start down, however, what is guaranteed is that no matter what path you walk if you keep going step by step the light at the end of the tunnel is freedom.
When we choose to heal our personal trauma, we choose freedom. Freedom from distortion; freedom from remuneration that undermines our own ability to thrive; freedom from our symptoms, our patterns, our shackles.
Trauma can mean different things to different people, however, if you are looking to heal aspects of yourself and your life, reflecting back on your life with a renewed lens may be the first starting point. For some people speaking to someone else about their past experiences may be the best way to address recurring challenges.
Therapy is to the psyche what exercise is to the body.
As a result of popular culture, it can be thought especially by men that therapy is self-indulgent, or something reserved for people going through a high drama crisis, victims. It is this stigma/belief that keeps so many people living a life filled with symptoms of anxiety and depression.
Therapy is not a process of just “rehashing drama.” First and foremost, it is an opportunity to understand who you are and why you do what you do. It can be when working with the right therapist the opportunity to view the events of your life without having to delve into the pain of those events giving you the perception and understanding to see how these events have shaped you – your beliefs, your personality, your actions, and outcomes. And with this understanding you are then in a place of power, you are in the driver’s seat and can choose how you move forward and who you become from there.