WORK ON YOURSELF
How to grow by asking and receiving feedback from others
Often we come to therapy THINKING we want to work on ourselves. We might come with the best intentions to be open, take responsibility in / of circumstances and action in accordance to a therapist's feedback and tips. But. What about asking those closest to you for their thoughts? Find out how others perceive and receive you. Don’t base your self-assessment on purely your OWN internal assumptions. Often, it is those outside of us who are not caught up in our internal lies and ruminations who can see more clearly the work that needs to be done.
Why don't you ask your husband, your parents or your oldest friend - what do you think I really need to work on and what would be some of the areas? Perhaps they note you are really reactionary or self absorbed, too sensitive or this or that…. regardless , it is insight from a place of love rather than your own self beliefs.
PSS PROCESS
STEP 1
DETECT the right people:
Identify trusted people you could reach out to and that it is safe to do so and ask their honest feedback. What is it that THEY think you need to work on?
STEP 2
DIGEST with humility
Be ready to receive this openly and objectively
Remember YOU asked for this. Their comments are NOT criticism but from a good place.
Get comfortable in the uncomfortable … it’s probably not an easy task for the other party but they are doing it so be grateful.
Try to see from an outsider’s perspective. Remove your bias and the surrounding feelings.
Ask for evidence of their experience of you?
Can you give me an example of why you think that?
How has that impacted you?
STEP 3
DISCERN the feedback
Feedback isn’t going to sit easily. Be aware of this, but look into it anyway.
Where is there truth in what is being said?
How and why might I do doing this?
What is the effect of me doing this?
STEP 4
DECIDE - Do you care?
What are you going to take on?
Check-in with yourself if you WANT to do the work on this or not. Just because someone else wants something for you doesn’t necessarily mean that it aligns with what you want for yourself and your values.
STEP 5
DO - Act
Figure out how you can start addressing the point and implement small changes daily.
