The "Happily Ever After" - Myth
Valentine's Day, brought to you by Hallmark, is here again to fill our calendars with glittery, "perfect love" fantasies. And, once again, I’m dragged into the BS that is the mythology of love.
ENTER…..The “Happily Ever After” Myth.
Sure, it’s a cute fairytale… but it’s also a psychological trap that messes with our expectations about love and life. The idea that love is a magical solution to happiness isn’t just naive—it’s dangerous. Not to mention the concept that love is a destination you “arrive at”, and then you just sit back and coast forever.
Spoiler alert:
Love is a verb not a noun. It’s an action and a daily practice. It’s not JUST a “feeling” that comes and then goes. It takes work, it evolves, and problems don’t just vanish. Love doesn’t look a specific way or equate to happiness.
Finally love is DEFINITELY not always sparkly or easy.
Let’s break down some of this BS:
Love is “Set and Forget”
Once you fall in love, you don’t just “set it and forget it” like a slow cooker. Nope. Every day, you and your partner are (or should be) growing. Love is about acknowledging this and evolving together. You can’t love someone “ever after” if you aren’t willing to follow their evolution as a human. Love means checking in with who your partner is today—because they’re probably not exactly the same person they were yesterday. Are you still in love with who they are now, or just who you thought they’d be?
Choosing a good partner: Go to - 53:38 minutes
Love conquers all
In fairytales, love is a magic wand that solves everything. But love alone isn’t a magic fix-all. Relationships require real work—like healthy communication, compromise, and sometimes even a little diplomacy. And here’s the kicker: you BOTH have to show up. When things go south (and they will), can you repair it together? Are you doing your personal work, or just playing the victim when the same issues resurface?
Love should LOOK a Certain Way
The idea that there’s one perfect soulmate out there for you is total BS. Love is diverse. There’s no one-size-fits-all way to love. Every person is different, so it makes sense that everyone’s version of love will be too. Stop trying to fit your relationship into some cookie-cutter mold just because it worked for someone else. Real love isn’t about checking boxes on a “perfect partner” list. It’s about embracing the mess and celebrating the differences that make your connection unique.
Love should FEEL a certain way
Seeking "in love" butterflies? STOP!
Real love isn't about constant heart flutters – it's about staying in the room when you're both triggered AF. It's seeing each other's rawness and baggage and choosing to stay anyway. When relationships force you to grow up and adult and your emotional baggage collides, that's not love dying – that's love getting real. So if you're questioning everything because it feels like work, wake up. That discomfort isn't love fading – it's love getting stronger than your ego.
How to adult
See more PSS tips at our BULLetin HERE
Love is Easy
Fairytales make love look like a walk in the park—one kiss, and poof, everything’s perfect. In reality, love is a tornado, not a breeze. It takes constant effort and messy moments. When we buy into this myth, we expect relationships to be conflict-free, and when they aren’t, we feel like failures. Or worse, we blame the other person. (It’s easier to avoid confronting our own BS than to own up to it, right?) Real relationships don’t exist to make us feel perfect. They exist to help us grow, even when it’s uncomfortable. If your relationship isn’t picture-perfect 24/7, you’re not alone. But that doesn’t mean it’s not right for you.
Even healthy couples fight
PSS POINT:
Fairytales are cute, but they leave us with outdated, unrealistic ideas about love. Real love is ever-changing, messy, and requires constant effort. Love isn’t a fix-all or a trump card.
True love is about navigating life’s chaos together because you choose to. It’s not about perfection, but about growing together through the messy moments and having the courage to do the work needed. It’s BECAUSE and IN of all this that the true magical powers of love exist.